April 29, 2005

Is That A Burrito In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

"A call about a possible weapon at a middle school prompted police to put armed officers on rooftops, close nearby streets and lock down the school. All over a giant burrito."

When Burritos are outlawed, only outlaws will have burritos?

They'll take my burrito when they pry it from my cold dead hands?

The Right to keep & bear burritos shall not be infringed?

There's a serious side to this; because schools are unprotected by armed adults panic will ensue over anything they deem threatening. Sheep analogies are apt & a good ranting about how to make schools safe without having to go through such exercises is definitely called for. But somehow I just can't bring myself to it. I keep envisioning the scene & what the cop who discovered the burrito packing kid would say:

Just put the burrito down. Put it down. Now back away from the burrito. If you make any sudden moves towards the burrito you will be shot.

Or as the kid is being frisked:

Do you have any other burritos concealed on your person? Are there any packets of sauce I should be aware of?

Like I said, there's a serious side to this & it revolves around people being paranoid because they aren't capable of protecting themselves. But this has to be the funniest example of the misguided & destructive policy known as zero tolerance I've seen.

I wonder if he got it via an evil burrito show loophole?

Posted by Publicola at April 29, 2005 03:31 PM

Worse, there could be a 3 day waiting period for tacos because they are concealable.

Considering there are Taco Bells on about every corner, could put a lot of teenagers out of work if you have to be 21 to handle the products safely.

Next: Burrito and taco sniffing dogs to go along with the school metal detectors.

On the plus side, overweight teachers will have to be fired, along with those with an overt fear of Mexican food or unable to gastronomically tolerate the consumption of spicy food. You know, in case someone forces them to eat salsa as revenge for a bad grade.

Posted by: Outlaw3 at May 2, 2005 07:50 AM
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