March 19, 2007

The Book Of Johns

This is yet another Theraflu induced post. Hopefully the last & hopefully it'll be somewhat humorous.

And the Lord looked down on his people, who after a time had became slothful & He saw their indolence. No longer were they content with the septenary devices that The Lord sent to them through his prophet John, instead they cried,"More; lest our thumbs become blistered from too frequent reloading".

The Lord was displeased with the ingratitude of His people, but yet He took pity on them & commanded His aging servant John to deliver yet another gift to His People. John, though, being old of days & having done much labour for the Lord did not complete the task set out for him; instead leaving the work to be finished by a faithful disciple. The Lord was pleased with the work started by His faithful servant John (whom he had taken before him) & finished by John's disciple so much that in later days He tasked the disciple to deliver a gift that would be seen as the "right arm of His people".

& the people did marvel at this gift, for it was light of trigger & slim of grip yet held the number & again the amount of the first gift from The Lord's servant John.

But The Lord had seen for some time that His faithful servant John was becoming old & feeble in body. He decided to never again burden one soul with such work as He had laid on his servant John, so from thence forth His gifts would come through varying servants.

Another faithful servant named John did the Lord's work about that time, this gift from On High being not comely to fire with one hand, but requiring two & a shoulder to see to its errand. Feeding itself until its charge was spent & being stout & true The Lord looked down upon it & saw that it was good. He blessed his new servant John & proclaimed that this gift should bear John's name as a testament to his faithfulness to The Lord. Hence the gift was called Garand after His servant John & for many years it did serve His children as they fought for the cause of The Lord.

But in years of peace the people of The Lord grew fat & discontent & they strove to better what The Lord had given them through his servants. They had forgotten the Lord's will that gas never touch the bolt direct, but through piston or rod alone should it move metal & they committed idolatries because of their lust. They rejected the work of The Lord's servant John as did they reject the work of The Lord's servant John's disciple & looked to new designs, one which had gas pushing the bolt direct, & whose slug was a measure smaller than it ought to have been according to the Lord's purpose. Another abomination before the Lord was lifted up in place of the gift which John & his disciple had given the people at The Lord's bidding. It had forsaken metal & wood to favor a substance known only to man & called plastik after their foolishness.

As has been recorded the Lord did send plagues upon His people for their transgressions in proportion to their sins. For those that sought gas to touch the bolt direct He did causeth want of ejection & feeding with wailing & gnashing of teeth when the cleaning did commence. To those who relied upon a slug smaller than the Lord commanded there was want of one shot stops. & for those who took up the heathen plastik yet sought to have power in his hand The Lord did send the plague of Ka-booms across the land & many proud men were humbled

All did not turn from The Lord in those days; some still looked upon the gifts from His servant John, John's disciple & His servant John known as Garand. In them The Lord took delight & did not send the torments as on those who had forsaken His ways. For them He reserved a place of honor on the firing line, further back than the idolaters but nay too far back to be of no use with the power of his strong gifts delivered through his good & faithful servants John & John's disciple.

The Lord had compassion even on those who had strayed from His ways, long established & ever true. In the dark days of the plagues He did cause work to be done on the gifts carried down by his servant John & John's disciple by two brothers Josef and Frantisek who dwelled in a distant place. He commanded them to combine the work of His servant John & John's disciple with the work of another servant of the Lord's from a far away land. When their work was through He called to yet another servant to strengthen what had been wrought before so it would be a lasting Witness for His people & a beacon for those tired of their sinful ways.

& so it is to this day, with a remnant still faithful unto the Lord who have not forsaken His servants or His gifts.

Posted by Publicola at March 19, 2007 05:55 AM | TrackBack