December 21, 2006

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

Originally posted 12-20-06 05:30 - Date of post altered to keep it at the top of the page.

One of my favorite Bill Withers tunes. It's also the tune where I learned (through mild chastisement by a friend) not too drink too damn much while playing (it's not a particularly interesting story or I'd tell it). In the vid Withers explains that he wanted to write something honest about missing his lady instead of the usual "she didn't mean that much to me anyway" angle that was typical of his experiences. By-pass the ego in other words was what he wanted to do. "I ought to leave the young thing alone, but ain't no sunshine when she's gone" - that sums up a lot of the conflict felt when we think we're on the losing end of a romance & perhaps it does get around that pesky ego problem. Here's the vid.

For gun related stuff cruise down to the posts below. Or just check out the video as it's not a bad version of the tune. Or enjoy National Orgasm for Peace day or something. The rest of the post is going to be - well not private since it's on the web (& I doubt folks will not read it if I ask them not to), but a message to someone I considered a very dear friend. It'll be cryptic enough that it won't be entertaining or insightful. & if you're wondering if it's addressed to you, only if your cat the cat who owns you yelled at me for being gone so long last time I dropped by.

Hey Sunshine. Iím not sure if you still read me or if youíll read this anytime soon, but itís the way I felt most comfy getting in touch with you. I donít wish to intrude & I am stubborn & prideful & thatíd be cool except that Iím also sentimental Ė or is that semi-mental? Iíd like to tell you Iím going to be brief but we both know me too well to fall for that.

I kept telling myself I shouldnít but I went out last week & grabbed you a little sumín sumín in honor of the occasion. If youíre thinking Iím foolish for having done so Iíd agree with you; buying a gift for someone I'm not on speaking terms with isnít going to get my application at NASA on the fast track. But Iíve always been a sucker where youíre concerned & I canít imagine completely losing faith in you. I wonít send it as I donít wish to intrude in any way, but Iíll hang on to it in case weíre cool enough to speak again some day decade. Besides itís nothing that will spoil & itís not like youíve watched a certain DVD from last year yet. So I figure that in a few months or years or decades weíll both pull our heads out of our respective asses (cause you damn well know you can be almost as stubborn as I am) & Iíll give it to you then. But if it comes down to it Iíll tuck a note in my will about a small bag in the closet. :) See? Even at my darkest & heaviest thereís a streak of optimism. Or maybe itís just that soft spot for you weakening my pessimism. Course Iím doing it all for the cat Ė just so you know. ;) Besides, a very wise man once told me that in most things ďpossibleĒ or ďimpossibleĒ is dependent not on our capabilities, but our desires. So I beg your pardon for my little sliver of hope if it makes me seem uncharacteristic (or like the title of a Dostoevsky novel).

& a while back I set the day in question aside. Honestly I just haven't had the heart to pencil anything in since, well you know. The only ambition I have for that day is to possibly go to the bar where you saw a guitar player that you said played like you thought I would. Iím sure you already have plans & Iím not inviting you or anything (though youíd not be unwelcome if my playing for you would make your evening brighter) as I'm not even positive I'll go. Iím just saying that I will be thinking of you fondly if that makes any difference in your world.

I feel like Iím being very rude by not calling or trying to see you in light of this occasion, but under the circumstances my pride wonít let me initiate any sort of contact. & being uncertain of it causing happiness or just making us both feel awkward has something to do with it as well. If you ever wish to get in touch though you know my phone is always on for you, even if it has a silly ring associated with it. :) So excuse the lack of manners I'm displaying by waiting till I hear from you. I mean no offense by it & from my world it seems like the least offensive route to take. (& I'm always right - well except for those countless occassions when I'm wrong.) In any case understand that I want to get in touch but I will not.

Mainly I just wanted you to know that despite our peculiar & unwelcome (to me) circumstances that I wish that today is the happiest of your life, except when you compare it to tomorrow, & the day after, & the day after, etcÖ But know that you have at least one more person in your life that wishes you as much joy as you can desire on this occassion. The nature of our interactions may be conditional sweetie, but my caring for you never will be. Ditto for the psuedononymous feline.

If it means anything to you, if I may ever be of service, by my presence or absence, then I am at míladyís disposal as much as I am able to be. Youíre always welcome to get in touch or to not, as you wish. But do pet the kitty for me (whatever her name is this week) as I miss her too. & if vague compliments from a crazy old fool mean anything, you will always be beautiful sweetie, no matter how pretty you are.

Take care,


p.s. & watch the vid. The song reminds me of you for obvious & not so obvious reasons (which perhaps I'll explain someday in a more private venue), but itís a good rendition of the tune. You might even like it. (As if - methinks you're gentically programed to dislike any tunes I suggest. lol Fine. Here's Dead Can Dance's The Lotus Eaters set to a cool slideshow for ya. Happy you-know-what sweetie)

Posted by Publicola at December 21, 2006 11:59 PM | TrackBack

The end of a serious relationship can be just like a death. You go through the classic stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression. Or, if you prefer: shock & numbness, yearning & searching, disorganization & despair.

Then you get over it and life is good again.

Posted by: Hamilton at December 20, 2006 10:46 PM